


all these precious moments that we carved in stone

by wisdomschild



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, But also, F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-The Raven King, The Raven King Spoilers, i'm not even sorry, it's before the epliogue, the gang is in it for like three seconds blink and you'll miss it, this is like a heavy adam parrish fic, warning: i am not very nice to gansey in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:43:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7603870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisdomschild/pseuds/wisdomschild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Gansey dying and coming back and Noah's final disappearance, Adam had given him and Ronan time to grieve. He had figured after some time, they'd actually talk about it. Now it had been months. Or Adam figures his feelings out. It's not easy, but love never is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all these precious moments that we carved in stone

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is like my first fic in this fandom. I hope you like it.
> 
> I just want to thank my dear Kataryna for reading this and helping me out, even tough you don't like fanfiction. 
> 
> I kind of left Raven Cycle feeling very unsatisfied. That's why I wrote this. I'll probably write more fics in the future. So watch out for them, I guess.

Adam Parrish didn't know a lot about dating. Sure, he dated Blue and other people before, but dating Ronan Lynch was so completely different that it didn't compare.  
Hell, he didn't even know if they were actually dating. And that was the problem. They were acting like a couple. They were spending a lot of time together. After work, Ronan would show up with Opal and they would go to the Barns or to Blue's or somewhere else. Sometimes they would talk, other times they wouldn't at all. They'd kiss, too. It was different from anything Adam had ever experienced.  
How could he ask an impossible creature about their maybe-relationship? Adam didn't know what to think. He didn't want to ask Gansey or Blue. He wanted to be able to find it out himself. He felt like it was crucial to their relationship. So he kept quiet.  
At School he wouldn't think about it. He'd focus on his teacher or on Gansey. Ronan had decided to quit school and Gansey had dealt with it in a very Gansey-like-way. They have fought over it, until Henry (of all people) had a talk with Gansey. Adam still didn't know what Henry said, but he didn't want to ask. In the end, it had worked and that was the most important fact. Gansey had even ended up getting Monmouth Manufacturing back. Not only had that act made Adam reconsider his ways of acting around Henry, but it had brought them all closer somehow. You'd think going on a magical, dangerous adventure together had been enough to make them friends for life. But magic was a thing for itself. Fighting was human like. It had been an important point of healing. In ways, Adam was still healing. He was learning how to be a good friend, how to control his anger, how to let it out and most important how to love. Loving Ronan Lynch was something Adam had never imagined happening, but with every day they spent together it was quickly becoming impossible to ignore his feelings. He felt different around Ronan than he felt around Gansey, Blue or even Henry.  
He didn't feel exactly quiet like Gansey said, but he felt comforted. Something that was so completely new that it kind of scared him. Not enough to make him go crazy, but enough to make Adam think about it. It was only in school, where he didn't let himself think about it. He still wanted to leave Henrietta – but coming back was involved in that. It was not a bad thing. Adam could see himself waking up in the Barns and calling it home.  
Still, there was the problem of him and Ronan not talking about it. Not labeling whatever they were. One day, they'd have to talk about it. Adam would leave Henrietta after all and he didn't want to leave with a feeling of uncertainty. He wanted to make sure that he had something to come back to. He wasn't oblivious to Ronan's feelings, but he needed other validation than looks or kisses. He wanted words to hold on to. A promise.  
After Gansey dying and coming back and Noah's final disappearance, Adam had given him and Ronan time to grieve. He had figured after some time, they'd actually talk about it. Now it had been months.  
They were getting ready to graduate. Blue, Gansey and Henry were going on a road trip. Ronan would stay behind with Opal. And Adam would go to College, like he always had dreamed of. This time it was reality. He had gotten a scholarship from Columbia. It was a long way to Henrietta.  
Adam wondered what Ronan thought of that. When he had told him, Ronan had just kissed him and shut him up so quickly, he wondered what that had meant in retro prospective.  
Today they were going to sit in Nino's and wait for Blue to finish, before heading to her home in 300 Fox Way.  
Gansey and Henry were sitting next to each other and talking in a quiet way, while Ronan, Opal and Adam sat opposite of them. Opal was wearing sparkling boots that Blue had given her. She was obsessed with glitter lately. Ronan had dreamed her up a whole box of full of glitter pens, glitter stickers and weird gluey stuff with glitter in it. She was sitting between them and doodling with her pens.  
Adam touched her lightly on her back and asked. “Is that me?“  
She made a goofy face and nodded. “You.“  
“It looks nice.“ Henry said.  
Opal looked at him, pulled a sticker from her open box and put it on his hand. “Glitter.“  
“Thank you, Opal.“  
It made Adam happy to see Opal carefree like a normal child. She was so much more than a dream. Every day she got more real. More like them. She was so much like Ronan, but also something entirely else.  
Gansey coughed lightly. Adam looked at him. He looked slightly between Ronan and Henry. The only one that was still wary of Henry was Ronan. Right now, he looked like he was holding back a snarky comment. Adam had apologized to Henry a while ago. They had spent time together at school and Adam had realized that Henry wasn't going to replace anyone. He was part of their group. Ronan seemed to think of Henry as Noah's replacement (it was not true at all), but Ronan had to figure that out by himself.  
“When is Blue getting off?“ Adam asked, even tough he knew.  
“Soon,“ Gansey responded. “Like in an hour.“  
„Tell me. What are we going to do?“ Henry asked.  
“They'll do a reading for us.“ Gansey explained.  
Blue had asked them if they wanted another reading. One that would go beyond their Glendower adventure. Adam was kind of scared, but also excited. There was so much more to live for now. He looked at Ronan. Eyebrows drawn together, hands clapped together on the table – he looked more and more like a dream. It was like Ronan sensed him looking, because he looked back. They did this a lot. Looking at each other, especially after what happened with Gansey. It was like they were making sure, that the other was really there. Not disappearing. Adam needed to talk to him so badly. It burned inside him.  
“Yo,“ Henry said in a funny voice. “Parrish and Lynch, come back to us.“  
Ronan flipped him off. Adam's cheeks burned, but he didn't care enough to respond.  
“They're always like that.“ Opal piped in. She was getting better and better at talking in English instead of Latin or her obscure dream language.  
“Thanks, Opal.“ Ronan replied dryly.  
Then, Adam decided that he'd not go another day without talking to Ronan about their relationship. He should have done it a long time ago anyway.  
“Can we like not do this?“ Gansey asked.  
Ronan furrowed his eyebrows. “What? Look at each other? Should we put some blinds on our eyes? What's your deal, man?“  
“Sorry.“ Adam said in the same moment.  
They looked at each other. There was a question behind Ronan's look. Adam understood Ronan, but this felt different somehow.    
“Why are you apologizing?“ Ronan asked.  
This thing with Ronan felt fragile at that very moment.  
''Why shouldn't I?“  
''Parrish,“ Ronan said quietly. ''Are you ashamed?“  
That felt like a punch to the gut. It made Adam sick in the stomach. He didn't understand anything.  
He dared to ask. “Is that what you think of me?“  
It took Ronan a couple of seconds to answer, but it felt like minutes, hours. It was too long. Adam took an unsteady breath. He knew that Gansey, Henry and Opal were looking at them curiously. In that moment he didn't care one bit.  
Finally, Ronan said something. “What do you think, Parrish?“  
“Right now, I don't know what to think.“  
Why was this happening? Why was it happening now?  
“What's your fucking problem, Parrish?“  
One wrong word and everything was shattering. Adam wanted to take it back. He wanted to explain himself, but the words were dying on his tongue. Air. Adam needed air. He stood up. The sudden movement brought just more attention to him. He didn't care.  
“I'm gonna wait in the car. Blue will be out in ten minutes.“  
With that, Adam looked away from Ronan's conflicted face, he didn't dare to look at Gansey or Opal and went outside. Nobody went after him. He was both glad and disappointed. The car was just around the corner. He didn't go inside and was just standing in front of it. He liked the cold air of the night. It was kind of nice.  
Being Adam Parrish was a weird thing. All his life, he had been humiliated. He had been treated like a burden, like he didn't matter. Going to Aglionby Academy had been the first step to get out. Befriending Gansey had been the second. But falling in love? That had never been part of the plan. Calmly, Adam thought about how he wasn't in love with just anyone. Adam Parrish loved Ronan Lynch. Ronan, who was an impossible creature. Ronan, who was no longer that boy he used to know. Ronan, who dreamed of light. Ronan, who dreamed of him. Ronan. Ronan. Ronan.  
It had been so hard to realize that he could love or even that he deserved to love someone. Why was this happening?  
They should have talked a long time ago. But with them talking was impossible. Of course, they talked about other things, but never about them. Adam wondered if he had destroyed their already fragile relationship. He wondered if Ronan was feeling the same way. He wondered about Gansey as well.  
Don’t break him, Adam.  
Why was he thinking about that now? That had been forever ago. Adam had thought and figured his feelings out, before diving into this thing with Ronan. In that moment he hated Gansey for saying what he said.  
Don't break him, Adam.  
Like it was that simple. As if Adam went around breaking hearts left and right. Like Gansey knew what it meant to be Adam Parrish. Adam's eyes filled with tears. He didn't want to cry about this. He was so over crying. He was so over being Adam Parrish. Unknowable. Fragile.  
Don't break him, Adam.  
His vision got blurry. Tears were falling. He couldn't stop himself. Why was this happening now? He breathed in. The night was clear, but his tears were bright.  
A voice went through to him. It was a kind voice. “Adam.“  
Adam wiped his tears away, before he dared to look at her. Blue was alone. Thankfully. She didn't say anything. She didn't ask him if he was alright or if he needed a minute. Blue was just looking at him.  
“Blue.“ Adam said. Her name felt strange in his mouth.  
“Henry told me what happened. Wanna talk?“ She asked.  
Adam thought about it. He had never wanted her help (or anyone else's) with Ronan, but he felt so unsure right now. Maybe he could just talk to her. Maybe she had answers. Maybe she knew what Gansey really meant. Blue was dating Gansey after all. He felt shy, answering her. “I actually have a question.“  
“Go ahead.“ Blue said, taking a step forward and standing next to him. Her presence made him feel warm.  
Taking a moment, Adam looked at her. This felt strange. “Gansey told me not to break him.“  
“Ronan?“  
Adam nodded.  
“When?“  
„It was right after Ronan kissed me for the first time. The night of the truths. You and Ronan were in the kitchen.“  
“That was a really stupid of Gansey, Adam.“  
“Why would you say that?“  
Blue had this strange look on her face. “Do his words haunt you, Adam?“  
It was an easy question. Not really. It was a loaded question. “Yes.“  
“He's an idiot.“ Blue bit her lips. “Look what he did with those words. You're being cautious without noticing it. His words got under your skin, didn't they?“  
Don't break him, Adam.  
The thing was Adam had never quite understood why Gansey had said that. Yes, he knew what Gansey had implied when it came to Ronan, but where did Adam fit into all of that? What did Gansey think of Adam to say such words? What did he want from Adam?  
Adam had figured out what he wanted. He wanted Ronan. There was no question in that, but Gansey's Don't break him, Adam had truthfully haunted him. Blue was right. From the look on her face, she knew that already.  
“You're right, but you knew that.“  
“I'm going to kick his ass, after this.“ Blue muttered under her breath. She took Adam's hands in her tiny ones. ”Tell me, Adam. What do you truly want?“  
This was actually an easy question.  
“Isn't it obvious?“ Adam asked, after a moment, he added. “Ronan.“  
“Then, get him. Fuck what Gansey says. You want him. You love him, right? That's the only thing matters.“  
Adam was taken back. “You noticed?“  
“Why do you look so surprised? A blind person would see it. You guys love each other. It's as clear as the fucking sky tonight.“  
“I just thought... It doesn't matter. I don't know, Blue.“  
Fiercely, Blue shook her head. “You know what I think, Adam? When Gansey told you not to break him, he broke you instead.“  
It was just like another punch to the gut. It made Adam feel uneasy, nauseous. He shuddered. Nobody ever came that close to the truth. He didn't know to react or even respond.  
Blue took that as an agreement to continue to speak. “You're not going to break him, Adam. Even if you do, it's not just going to be your fault. There are two people in a relationship. Relationships are hard work. There will be so many hurdles on the way. There's never a guarantee to a happy ending, but it doesn't matter. You may break each other, but there's always a way to glue each other back together. Do you get that?“  
For a moment, Adam thought about it. His parents had never taught him how to love. They had taught him fear and anger, but nothing more. He had learnt love, a wonderful different kind of language, all on his own. He had taught himself how to be someone. He had built a complete new Adam, but then Gansey had said those words. Right after, kissing Ronan – he had needed reassurance, just something else. Something that was not doubt. Don't break him, Adam. Those four words became his constant companion. It had just manifested in him. Gansey had damaged him just like that.  
“Hearing him say that. It felt like Gansey doesn't know me at all.“  
“You're not that kind of person.“  
Again, Adam thought about it. Sure, for a long time he had been broken, but he had done everything in his power to heal. He had let people in. Not just Blue or Ronan, but Opal and Persephone, too. Gansey knew this. Most importantly, Adam knew this.  
“I am not that kind of person.“ He repeated, believing it even more after saying it out loud.  
“There's only one thing left. You have to tell Ronan how you really feel. You want that, right?“  
Adam was thankful for Blue's understanding way. “I think you're right. But you knew that, didn't you?.“  
Blue smiled. Once upon a time that smile had meant something, now Adam was just glad she was there. “Hey, I'm just being a good friend.“  
“Thank you.“  
“You'd the same for me, yeah?“  
Slowly, Adam smiled. “I would.“  
A moment passed. Then, Blue rose her eyebrows. “Ronan Lynch, huh?“  
“Didn't see that one coming?“  
“After me, that was such a downgrade.“  
“Could say the same.“  
Blue laughed freely. “Thanks, I guess.“  
“I think I'm going to head home now. I need time to think about what you said.“ Adam decided.  
Blue took a step away from him. “Alright. I'll tell the others. They're probably waiting for us.“  
“Thank you.“ Adam said again. He really meant it.  
Blue just winked and left.  
The whole time driving back, Adam kept thinking about what happened. It had been such a minor fight, but their reactions had gotten it way out of proportion. He didn't know what to tell Ronan. The truth was always good, but Adam needed to see Gansey first. He wanted to talk things out with Gansey, before finally telling Ronan that he loved him. That just felt right. That night, he had a hard time sleeping.  
The next day, he woke up having slept what felt like an hour in total. He felt restless, not ready to face his friends yet. Thankfully, it was Saturday. He had work at Boyd's later, but other than that he had nothing to do. Adam took his time getting ready, thinking back to his conversation with Blue. She was right. Gansey had been really reckless with his words. Adam wasn't that kind of person. He didn't break people. He always considered what to say first, before speaking. Something Gansey still hadn't learned. Adam understood where Gansey was coming from, but the fact that Gansey hadn't told Ronan the same thing- that's where Adam's understanding wore off. There was an undeniable truth. Adam was as breakable as Ronan. But that wasn't important, not anymore. They had been ready to be with each other. Adam only had to face Gansey, before finding his way back to Ronan.  
He decided to visit Monmouth Manufacturing, before going to work. If things would turn out bad, he'd be able to take his mind off at work. Adam hoped that Ronan was at the Barns like always. There was no reason for Ronan to be at Gansey's, so he didn't worry about running into him there. When he drove to Monmouth Manufacturing, he thought about Ronan and Opal. His heart burned with desire to see them. Soon, he reminded himself. Soon.  
Adam was lucky, when he parked his piece of a shit car – there was no sign of Ronan. Pig rested near by. Gansey was home. 

-

At work, Adam couldn't concentrate. His mind kept wandering to Ronan. He forced himself to think about other things like school or graduation. The hours went by slowly. It was killing Adam. When he finally got off, he rushed to his car. The drive was a torture. All Adam could do was drive and not think about Ronan. It was getting harder with each passing minute.  
Finally reaching the Barns, Adam parked the car and stepped out. He couldn't see Ronan outside. He was probably in the house, repairing something. Making his way to the door, Adam knocked. It didn't take long, before someone's footsteps were approaching. The door opened.  
Ronan looked back at Adam. Adam felt his heart race. This seemed to be his reaction to anything involving Ronan Lynch lately. Carefully, Adam stepped towards Ronan. Everything was weird about this. Everything was right about this.  
“What are you doing here, Parrish?” Ronan finally asked.  
Adam took it as a good sign that Ronan acknowledged him.  
“I'm here to talk. Where's Opal?”  
“Upstairs.” Ronan answered. “The fuck you want to talk about?”  
“Us, I guess.”  
Ronan's eyes filled with something. It was surprise, but he still retorted. “Go on.”  
This was it. The moment where Adam laid his heart out. He knew that Ronan wouldn't break it. He trusted him. It was scary as hell. It was also real. Two things at the same time.  
Holding himself straight, he asked. “Were you ever scared of me breaking you?”  
Again, surprise took over Ronan's face. “What are you talking about?”  
“You know, that was the first thing on Gansey's mind, when I told him that we kissed.”  
This time Ronan looked more confused than surprised. “When did this happen?”  
“Does it matter?” Adam questioned. “Were you ever-”  
“No.” Ronan interrupted him. “Never.”  
Adam had known it, but hearing it was completely different. Adam wanted to reach out and draw Ronan in. He wanted to kiss Ronan. He wanted to feel his stubble against his mouth. He wanted so much that he felt blinded by it for a moment. Desire was a strange emotion.  
Still, he pulled himself together. There was so much more to lay out.  
“When I told Gansey, I wanted reassurance. Instead, I got doubt. All this time I have been dealing with it without noticing.” Adam nearly reached out, but held himself back in the last moment. “I wasn't fully committed to this relationship, but I am now. If you will still have me, that is.”  
Ronan didn't blink. He was just looking at Adam. Then, he came closer. Within the blink of an eye, Ronan was standing right in front of him.  
“The fuck you're talking about. Parrish, no, Adam. When did I ever not want you.” Ronan touched him. First, it was just his hands, but then Ronan took Adam's hands to his mouth and kissed them. One by one.  
Adam was on fire. He needed to get something else out. Those three words that had been true for a long time now. Three words that Adam had never heard anyone say to him. Three words that had a whole new meaning to him. Three words. “I love you, Ronan.”  
Ronan let Adam's hands fall away and looked at Adam with such confusion that it broke Adam's heart. “Adam.”  
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Adam repeated. Having said it once wasn't nearly enough. Saying it felt like breaking away from all the pain and loss that they had endured. All this time Adam had wondered what it would feel like to love someone, now he knew.  
There were tears in Ronan's eyes. He was crying. Adam couldn't bear it anymore and finally reached out. Caressing Ronan's face in his hands, looking into his ocean blue eyes and their hearts beating thump, thump, thump.  
Kissing Ronan felt like welcoming a heart attack. Their lips meeting each other, again and again, only for Ronan to break away to say. “I love you, too. I love you so fucking much, Adam.”  
Hearing him say it back felt so surreal. Adam didn't hold his tears back either, he let them fall. They were both crying.  
“Is kissing me really that horrible?” Ronan questioned. His sarcastic tone was mixed with his scratchy voice.  
Adam laughed and pulled Ronan back into his arms. “I hate you.”  
“You don't.” Ronan reminded him. “You love me.”  
“I do.” Adam agreed. “I love you so much.”  
Ronan kissed him again. This time neither of them planned on letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. Thank you for giving it a chance!
> 
> (I left the Gansey/Adam talk out, because I didn't want to write it. It'd probably be very exhausting for me and Adam. Emotionally. But if anyone's interested I might still write it.)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are appreciated.
> 
> ((I can't believe I wrote a fic about this, because Stiefvater ruined Raven King.))


End file.
